(Toxic) positivity and how words and big emotions can change the picture

We hear a lot about positivity, positive mindset, positive attitude, positive thinking.

I will start with an ironic fact. People nowadays claim to be more aware of mental health issues, they try ways (usually band aids), they promote positivity as a way of living and still they suffer more from anxiety and depression.  

Why is that?

Let me explain.

How often is it that when you have a hard time, someone tells you:

“Come on, be positive!” or “Don’t be so negative”

“It’s not that bad, you will get over it”

“It’s just a matter of mindset, change your mindset!”

“Don’t allow negative emotions take over”

“It could be worse”

“Don’t give up”

“Calm down and breath”

“Don’t complain, be grateful of what you have” or things like that.

At the same time, they don’t know what you are going through and how you really feel. Most of the times they have good intensions, but their words make you suffer even more! It can also be that they lack empathy.

And how possible is it that you have convinced yourself that:

  • Being positive can make you happy!
  • Happiness is everything!
  • Only happiness gives motivation in life!
  • Positive thoughts can make negative thoughts disappear.
  • When the finger goes in the wound, you quickly must get out of there!

Usually keeping up with a behavior like this becomes an obsession!

This form of positivity is simply toxic and the more it’s not working for you, the more it leads to more suffering and emotional dead ends. You are drained out emotionally. You feel like a big failure.

Why does this happen?


  1. You put a non-realistic goal that you cannot accomplish!
  2. You compare yourself to “always happy people” you see mostly on social media and you tend to believe that everything you see is real.
  3. You feel you are not good enough, as you cannot see things positively like others do!
  4. You don’t believe that you can make it to be happy!
  5. You are insecure.
  6. You have low self-esteem and self-confidence.
  7. You get scared!
  8. You think there is something wrong with you!

Then anxiety comes to make things even worse, hormones are getting crazy, past events come in mind to confuse you even more.

And if only we women could realize how our monthly cycle affects our emotions AND our thoughts at the same time and how we could use the different faces of the cycle for optimization.  

The question is what’s the story you tell yourself! How you believe that things are or how they should be!

The more you avoid seeing reality, the more you push away your feelings and the more you punish yourself to stay in a cold, scary room!

Does this seem familiar?

When big emotions are ignored and not expressed, they don’ t just go away! They come back bigger and darker in the form of emotional hijacks, at times you expect them the least!

What you are mostly afraid of is the unknown!

What you don’t know how to deal with! And you resist to your emotions, as you think they will take over and you will lose control!

Again, because you are not aware of how to deal with them!

YET! This is the “magic” word to your self-growth!

Of course you may think, it’s not pleasant to feel anger, sadness, rage, guilt, shame, fear and so on. These emotions that we use to call “negative” or “bad”.

What if I was telling you there are no positive and negative emotions?

This is exactly what Emotional Intelligence introduces in personal development!

So let’s start changing our mindset by changing this one belief!  

What if you could perceive emotions as messages, coming to tell you that things are going well or something needs to be changed or improved?

What if you knew it need only 6 seconds before an emotion becomes a feeling? Then you would take action! You would start doing things differently and get to know more to improve the way you perceive things! 

Then you could stop punishing yourself, self-criticizing, feeling weak, useless, small, not good enough, a failure or anything ugly you tend to believe about yourself!

You can DO make your emotions work for you and for your benefit!

In challenging times we need to be smarter with emotions.

We need Resources!

You hear that by changing your mindset, everything will be fine! The mindset cannot change in a flash! There is a bigger process that need to be in progress first!

Because changing mindset is just not enough! First we women need to heal our hearts!

What is going to help you long term:

  1. Acceptance!
  2. Self awareness: know your weaknesses and your strengths.
  3. To welcome all feeling. Everything that you feel is OK!
  4. To educate yourself and work on your personal development.
  5. To heal your heart and get rid of limiting beliefs, emotional blockages, epigenetic automatic reactions.
  6. To recognize your progress and give the credits to yourself.
  7. To love yourself.
  8. To find your purpose that will give you the motivation you need!
  9. To think of what you can really control.
  10. To be authentic. Some people will not like you and that’s ok!

Then positivity can become healthy!

If needed reach out and let the right professional help you!

Magda Tsitsoni

Self-awareness & Transformation Coach for Women

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